Love Is All Around
Valentine's Day will soon be here upon, as Hallmark, and your local florist and jewelry store is so eager to remind you. Many of us have sweet childhood memories of heart-shaped lollipops and handmade valentines "sent" to everyone in our class. Maybe your father always brought you flowers or you can fondly remember a special Valentine’s treat made by your mother. It was just an especially sweet day during the cold of winter. As we become adults and navigate our way through romantic relationships, this day can bring some unnecessary drama and pressure for all of us, coupled or not.
For those of us not currently with a partner, particularly women, this holiday is often thought of as one that could stir up dismay or embarrassment. The cliché image that is often portrayed is one of a disgruntled woman in sweats, weeping into a pint of ice-cream in front of the TV, muttering "Love Stinks!" Yet if Valentine's Day is about celebrating love, then it would be wise to remember the many ways love runs through all of our lives, regardless of our romantic status. In fact, much of the best love we have experienced in our life is not affiliated with sex or dating. Sometimes, it can take a little refresher to remember this.
Who do you love in your life? Is it your fabulous grandmother? What about an especially supportive and entertaining friend? Perhaps you have an extraordinary god-child or the best dog on the planet. If you find yourself feeling down, write out a gratitude list, counting off all the wonderful people, places, things and experiences you are blessed to have in your life. A potluck dinner, cup of tea, sending out friendship valentines or even just an overdue phone call with a few people on the list can have you -and them- smiling throughout Valentine's Day. What a wonderful excuse to appreciate and celebrate those in our life who bring us laughter, love and support.
When we are in a relationship, there is oftentimes a cultural pressure to show our love on Valentine's Day in the "right" way. Bouquets of flowers sent to the office, massive teddy bears, fancy chocolates and jewelry, lacy undergarments and expensive dinner reservations…perhaps this does in fact feel like a mutually satisfying way to express our feelings to a beloved. But if this doesn't feel comfortable or authentic to the emotional and physical partnership we are in, then we should by all means find our own way to pay tribute to the love we experience with our husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend. Romance is completely subjective and personal to the couple in question, and what it really comes down to, is consideration for the other. One day of pricey gifts will most likely never outweigh a consistent commitment to making ourselves truly present during the time we spend with a sweetheart. A loving and "perfect" Valentine's overture could simply be doing his laundry and renting his favorite movie; taking over childcare duties for the morning, or simply having a hot bath waiting for her when she gets home from work. Don’t worry about what television or magazines tell you about sweeping a partner off of his or her feet- honor your individual relationship and do what feels right for you.
And while we are on the subject of showing love, let’s take note, in conclusion, of probably the most important and under-appreciated valentine of all- yourself! People don’t treat us the way we treat others- people treat us the way we treat ourselves. So if you wish to attract unconditional love from a new or current partner into your life, start with offering yourself that very thing. Treat yourself like the precious being you are with good foods, rest, exercise, fresh air, meditation and, of course, only relationships that respect your body, mind and soul. Evaluate how well you are meeting your own needs before looking to another fulfill you. When we are in a spiritual and physical partnership because it enhances our life rather than defines our life, life can feel that much sweeter. Here’s wishing you a Valentine’s Day that fills you with love so abundantly that you are able to share it with others in your life.
